Live Color Fully

today i am excited about everything.

Goodbye: Guatemala Edition

Before you read any further, let me tell you this: I’m not quitting my job and moving away. When I sat to write this, I could practically feel my Mom tensing up as her eyes passed across the title. Don’t worry, Mom! I’m staying here forever! Exclamation point! More exclamation points!!! No Goodbyes taking place here (for now).

The nature of my life so far, though, tells a different story. Goodbyes are frequent, and constant. Every run towards a new adventure has meant leaving pieces of me behind, irreversibly tied tight to the hearts of people I love.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Several months ago, I stood in a small church yard in Santa Lucia, Guatemala, surround by darkness above and dirt below, and said it again. Over and over (and over again), to souls that were at once familiar, like family.

And then we sat on a damp, warm bus, losing tears and parts of the heart, and I remembered:

We weren’t made for this.

When we were built, when we were first imagined and shaped into being, our Creator fashioned deep into us a need for relationships. And friends, how lovely that would have been, to spend days and nights in a garden, living in the fullness of together. Together, all of us.

Never once saying goodbye.

But instead, we live here. In a place that mirrors a reflection of brokenness and hurt. A place where we meet and love, and then separate.

And honestly, most days it’s really okay. We have iPhones and Facebook and that whole internet thing really working in our favor these days.

But today I feel the sorrow run deep into my blood, and weight of what could have been crashing against what is.

Someday, my friends. Someday: restored.

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